Cat Knowledge Quiz

Find out what kind of cat owner you are! Take the following quiz:

Your 20-lb. longhaired cat shows up next your face at 2 a.m. Cat is wet and muddy. This means:

  • a. You must have spent all day washing the bedding.
  • b. It’s raining.
  • c. Cat has been playing in water dish and various houseplants.
  • d. All of the above.

Answer: d.

Since you don’t want the wet cat in your bed (even though he is clearly desperate for attention) you:

  • a. Try throwing him off the bed 7-8 times in an effort to blow-dry him and get most of the mud from his paws onto the carpet instead of the clean bedding.
  • b. Try moving to another bed, only to have cat wander through the house miaowing loudly because he’s too stupid to figure out where you went.
  • c. Try moving cat to “his” bed (currently unoccupied by oldest son, who’s away at college) only to have cat show right back up in your face five minutes later.
  • d. Consider putting cat outside.
  • e. Give up and pet the cat until he falls asleep (of course you’ll still be awake, since cat will have taken over the primo spot in bed, but oh well).


a. Why bother? You know the sheets were ruined the first time he jumped up.
b. Yeah, like that’s gonna work.
c. Close. This might work if the cat wasn’t seeking extra body heat to dry off in the first place.
d. What kind of cruel person are you, anyway?
e. Correct. Remember, animal ownership requires constant low-grade suffering.

Next up…a best practices post on how to deal with your favorite feline’s springtime “catch and release” program. Our article will show you how to capture snakes, field mice, and birds ranging from tiny terrified finches to indignant California quail. We’ll also teach you how to capitalize on your misfortune by taking thrilling nature videos in your own home.





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10 responses to “Cat Knowledge Quiz

  1. After reading your post, I realize how much I miss having a cat!! I appreciate how they always put you in your place (you are the servant) and reward you with a few minutes of affection at their convenience. Love them.

  2. Very funny! I haven’t had a cat for 30 years since my son was so terribly allergic to them. As a child we always had cats at home, the catch and release was my mother’s least favorite part of cats. She was deathly afraid of mice. The other less favorite occupation was to figure out what to have for dinner after the cat would jump up on the counter and eat the meat that was defrosting. Cats have their own personalities for sure and definitely make you feel as if you are lucky they have deigned to grace your life with their presence.

    • I get seriously pissed when they drag birds home, usually because the birds seem to suffer the most from fear and/or injury. Snakes are always a problem because they’re always completely functional if they get brought in (our crew seems to view them more as playthings). A frightened (but otherwise healthy) snake can be a real challenge to catch.

      I’ve never been afraid of mice or snakes, but I also probably have the least compassion for them (after dealing with multiple house-infestation events).

      And yes, the worst decision of my life can be summed up in two words: Cat door.

  3. Anonymous

    This is hilarious. I hope you’re serious about the catch-and-release post to come.

  4. “Remember, animal ownership requires constant low-grade suffering”

    Lmao… Hilarious post – looking forward to the sequel. 🙂

    • Once at a horse dental event, I sighed, and said, “All we do is solve their little problems.” I don’t know if I was really expecting everyone to laugh or what, but everyone sighed along with me and nodded. That’s when I realized I was totally doomed.

  5. horsesdogsbikes

    Oh, so very true! They have an unerring sense of when you’ve changed the sheets. Your quiz is very funny and I, like many others, eagerly await the follow up post on the catch and release program.

  6. horsesdogsbikes

    Hah! WordPress now lets me post comments. I triumph in its entrails!!!! Odd though that it would let me post before using my gmail account (Black Holes) and then, after your hiatus refused to let me comment at all, and now it will, but only if I use my long dormant WordPress account. Whatever, WP!! I still am Queen of Its Intarwebz!!! ;p

    • Ha! Entrails be damned!

      I must admit I really prefer many of Blogger’s features a lot more than WP, but I was swayed by more style options when I first started out on this little venture. I still don’t read/comment on as many WP blogs as I should because WP makes it so difficult to actually read fellow WP blogs.

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