Cat Knowledge Quiz

Find out what kind of cat owner you are! Take the following quiz:

Your 20-lb. longhaired cat shows up next your face at 2 a.m. Cat is wet and muddy. This means:

• a. You must have spent all day washing the bedding.
• b. It’s raining.
• c. Cat has been playing in water dish and various houseplants.
• d. All of the above.

Answer: d.

Since you don’t want the wet cat in your bed (even though he is clearly desperate for attention) you:

• a. Try throwing him off the bed 7-8 times in an effort to blow-dry him and get most of the mud from his paws onto the carpet instead of the clean bedding.
• b. Try moving to another bed, only to have cat wander through the house miaowing loudly because he’s too stupid to figure out where you went.
• c. Try moving cat to “his” bed (currently unoccupied by oldest son, who’s away at college) only to have cat show right back up in your face five minutes later.
• d. Consider putting cat outside.
• e. Give up and pet the cat until he falls asleep (of course you’ll still be awake, since cat will have taken over the primo spot in bed, but oh well).

Answers:

a. Why bother? You know the sheets were ruined the first time he jumped up.
b. Yeah, like that’s gonna work.
c. Close. This might work if the cat wasn’t seeking extra body heat to dry off in the first place.
d. What kind of cruel person are you, anyway?
e. Correct. Remember, animal ownership requires constant low-grade suffering.

Next up…a best practices post on how to deal with your favorite feline’s springtime “catch and release” program. Our article will show you how to capture snakes, field mice, and birds ranging from tiny terrified finches to indignant California quail. We’ll also teach you how to capitalize on your misfortune by taking thrilling nature videos in your own home.